Hah-haha! I dunno what the deal with this Hope's Peen Academy is... But if they'll gimme the resources to keep inventin' stuff, sign me up!
Graduation[]
After I graduate, I need to make sure no one messes with my room or research lab... Cuz that's where I keep all my inventions that let you be productive in your sleep!
Whoa! For a second, I thought someone left a bottle of milk out in the sun for too long...
But it's just smelly Toko with her milk bottle glasses, wasting my precious time yet again!
Sm-Smelly!? I-I'll have you know, I j-just took a b-bath two days ago! Maybe your nose rotted from how dirty you are, you hare-brained blonde bitch!
B-Blonde bitch!?
...
...Wh-What?
...I'm sorry, was that diss supposed to get me all worked up or something?
A-Am I supposed to feel disappointed!? Don't try to drag me into your vulgar kinks!
Don't talk to *me* about vulgar kinks, you fuckin' doormat!
Don't talk like I want just anyone to step on me! I only want to be Master Byakuya's doormat!
Hahhhhh! Master Byakuya's doormat!?
To feel his polished shoes as he leaves in the morning, and again when he returns at night... A pathetic doormat who can't do anything but wait for Master to leave and return home!
H-Hey... You might wanna keep that weird shit to yourself... We're in public, y'know...
Don't pretend to be so innocent! You get turned on by way weirder stuff!
Why, if it ain't the virgin greasemonkey, lookin' stupid as ever!
Wh-What the heck's that all about!? Even low-level insults like that can hurt!
You seem testy today. I know you're pent up, but don't start droolin' over my tits now!
I'm not drooling! You think way too highly of yourself!
Huh? There's no way a fuckin' potato-face like you could pass on my delicious body!
It's not all about big boobs! Just look how divine Miss Sonia is, for example!
What, you like flat chests? Don't settle for less when you can grope a big chest!
Miss Sonia is divine in that department, too! I mean, uh...she's elegant! Yeah, that's it!
Geez... You really are a virgin if you think that girl has anything on me. Well, if you can't get with me, then I guess you'll just hafta settle for second-place sluts!
Stop it! If Miss Sonia heard this and misunderstood, I'd curl up and die!
No one wants to hear you squeal, piggie!
Grrh...it's too much of a pain to correct you...
Hah-hahaha! Oh, cheer the fuck up!
Your clothes are decent so maybe if you didn't slouch, people wouldn't notice your ugly face!
Are you trying to compliment me or insult me!?
Compliment you, duh-doy! I know you don't get 'em often, so try not to wet yourself!
It's pretty ballsy for a virgin like you to dress so flashy. Your outfit's all the same brand, yeah?
Y-Yeah... I'm...sorta surprised. Not many people notice that.
Well, no matter how you dress, you still don't hold a candle to my amazing body!
Alright, let's figure what function I should jam into ya next!
Miu...I appreciate you setting aside time for me.
Hah! The world is always vying for my time! You should be grateful I'm spending it on you!
Anyway, I've been doing some thinkin' and...you don't have the ability to cry, do you?
I don't. I believe if I could cry, I'd be able to understand the concept of sadness more fully.
Well, that settles it! I'm gonna give you a full-fledged crying function!
Really!? Oh, I'm so grateful to hear that!
But instead of salt water, how about I fill your tear ducts with juice or tea?
Then I can grab a drink whenever I'm feelin' parched! Hoo-yeah! I'm a genius today!
But Miu...those wouldn't be real tears. Plus, I'm unable to consume food so I wouldn't benefit from a function like that at all.
Wh-What...? But it was such an awesome idea... Oh...d-did you...maybe want some nasty fluids to come outta your eyes instead?
Absolutely not! I would get in so much trouble if that kind of stuff came out of my eyes!
Geez, what are you being such a buzzkil for!? Or is there some other function you want?
Yes, will you hear me out?
Wait, you're serious? What sorta function did you have in mind? X-ray vision? Big O pistons?
No, actually...I'd like to be able to give optimal massages for an extended period of time. My father, Professor Idabashi, is always so focused on his research, but... Sometimes he works himself too hard, so I was hoping I could help relieve some of his stress...
In other words, a function that'll let you help him end his days on a happy note! Got it!
I-I don't know what you're getting at, but... I have a very bad feeling about this... You understand that I'm talking about normal back massages, right? Right?
Don't worry, just leave it to me! I'll give you a massage function that'll go down in history!
You two... Who said you were allowed to share a table with me?
Huh? I can't sit here?
I can sit wherever the fuck I want! If you got a problem with it, you can fuckin' move!
Don't sully the air with your vulgar words.
Awwww, is my hot body making your glasses fog up!?
Did you not hear me? You're unspeakably vulgar.
Well I guess it takes one to know one, fuckface.
...What did you call me?
You think comin' out of a rich dude's ballsack makes you better than me, an actual genius!?
H-Hey, you guys! Don't fight here!
Impossible. Someone like her would never be able to fight me on equal terms.
Yeah! Don't compare me to this four-eyed fucktard, Kaediot! I'm leagues above him!
Miu...do you want me on your side or not?
Hurry up and disappear. The two of you are wasting my valuable time.
What, even me!? That was totally unexpected!
Fuck you, Byakuya! You think I'll just let you off the hook for wasting my valuable time!?
Are you trying to extort me or something? You utterly disgusting woman.
Ergh! Disgusting woman!?
Ah, geez...Miu's gone all weird again.
I-It's not like I secretly enjoy it when someone talks shit to me!
I'm sorry, Byakuya...
...I hate that I've gotten used to reactions like that.
A-And now you're both ignoring me! This ain't half bad...!
Seasonal Events[]
Sports Festival[]
You're going to play table tennis in the sports festival...and win, thanks to your inventions! You made sure to come prepared today... Which invention will you use?
The "Sleep N' Serve" invention!
Hoo-yeah! I landed every serve in my sleep! Man, it sure is tough to be a genius like me!
Hmhmhm... Thank you for ending the match so quickly. Swinging around a racket and getting sweaty does not suit my image.
Thanks to your invention, you won an overwhelming victory!
The "Sit N' Rally" invention!
Hah-hahaha! As if I'd really work up a sweat during the day by exercising!
Huh, this strange invention of your is a clear demonstration of your talent.
But...it is also a clear violation of the rules. If you put it away now, Atua will forgive you.
Doesn't your god have anything better to do than meddle in a fuckin' table tennis match!?
...Tensions are flaring between the two of you!
The "Ping Pong Ball Blaster!"
Hah-hahaha! Hope you like a face full of balls!
Whoa, hold on! Time out!
Miu...this match won't be fair if you use your inventions! You can't rely on them all the time!
Wh-What? You're mad? Really? I-I was just jokin' around... I'm sorry...
Despite your ingenious invention, you still got scolded...
School Festival[]
Today is the fall school festival... You've decided to exhibit your ingenious inventions! Approach students as they walk by and tell them all about your amazing works!
Hey, you sad-lookin' sow! Get over here!
Eh!? Um...are you talking to me?
Who else would I be talking to!? Start lickin' my boots, then you can worship my inventions!
What? I-Is that how you draw people over to your exhibit?
No shit, now get in! Cry tears of gratitude that this gorgeous girl genius personally chose you!
I-I don't really understand what's going on, but...please forgive me!
Amazing...there are so many inventions. This is seriously a lot.
Isn't it!? I bet it's makin' you weak in the knees, as well as some other areas...
Anyway. I make everyone who enters this exhibit use the "Hookup Counter"! Annnnd...there!
Eh!?
...
Hmmm... W-Wow... I see...
Wh-What do you mean, "I see"!?
...Since you're so nice, you showed poor confused Mikan all your other inventions!
Hey, pig-face! Get over here!
Huh? You talkin' to me?
Who else!? Get over here! I'll show you some side pieces you can really drool over!
I swear...you're quite the demanding little minx.
Whaddaya think of all these inventions, huh!? Don't get too excited, I just cleaned the rug!
I gotta admit, I'm impressed. There's a bunch of kinky stuff here that even I couldn't dream of...
Just thinkin' about your face while you made this stuff is makin' my loins start to swell...
*POW!*
Ungahhh!
Oh yeah, that invention will punch you if you say something unfunny and perverted.
Huh!? Then that thing should punch you all the time, Miu!
No... Because it doesn't just punch people outta the blue, either!
Oh my... Now that's a succulent tidbit you just shared with me!
Tidbit? You got my smokin' tidbits right here and that's not enough for ya!?
Hah-hahaha! You may look like a little piggie, but you got the stamina of a fuckin' horse!
*POW!*
Guh!!!
...You and Teruteru proceeded to get punched multiple times by your invention.
Hey, dogfucker! Get over here!
The goddess of fate must be feeling sadistic force this encounter... Stay back, enchantress!
Heeee! How mean... I didn't do anything...
...Psych! Taaaaake...this!
What!? A ray gun!?
...
...Nothing happened.
Wha-!? My invention was a dud!?
Despite your foolish bluff, I still felt you draw from a well of nigh infinite malevolence! Tell me, enchantress! What is that ray gun!?
Huh? It's supposed to teleport your underwear... Did it break or somethin'? This can't be right...
A work of mad genius befitting a mad scientist, but even your madness cannot pierce my barrier.
Oh, now I get it... You're a fuckin' pervert who goes commando all the time, aren'tcha!?
Krgh... Do you value your life so little that you would speak that way to the Overlord of Ice!? Your astral level is far too weak to perceive the barrier which enshrouds my physical form!
Shut the fuck up, you weirdo! Stay the hell away from me!
You received numerous complaints from nearby classrooms as you and Gundham argued...
Winter[]
Your last winter at the academy... and today is Christmas Eve! Upon realizing what day it is, you've been struck by a flash of inspiration!
I gotta decorate the shit outta the dorms!
Hmm... I guess I'll decorate the walls and windows with hot pink lights!
Hey, Miu... What are you doing?
It's a present to all the lonely bastards who got no one to spend the holidays with! These lights are special! When you stare at 'em long enough while they're flickering... You start to feel really good...then...kersploosh!
Y-You can't do that! Th-That is obviously not okay!
Wh-Why? I just want them to feel good during the holidays...
I mean...yeah, this technology is amazing, but I think you're abusing it...
And I think you should show my genius a little more respect, Kaediot!
You were about to do something that'd be hard to respect!
I'm way more worthy of respect than some "Luminary of the Stars" or religious nutcase! Cuz I can invent all kinds of gadget that'll make the world grovel before me in gratitude! With my inventions, I can bring joy to the whole wide world!
Huh...? So that's what was on your mind, Miu?
Heh, of course! When you're a genius like me, you gotta use your talent for the greater good. Then again, I wouldn't expect a pleb like you to understand.
Sheesh, if you didn't have such an attitude, it'd be so much easier to respect you.
You put your decorating on hold for now...
I gotta give Keebo a major Christmas upgrade!
Why hello there, Keebo! Glad you came! I got a special gift for ya!
Um... I came here thinking you were planning to perform maintenance on me...
Oh, I'll perform maintenance..but I'm mainly gonna give you a major Christmas upgrade!
M-Major Christmas upgrade!? You mean, like a new incredible function...?
Yeah! I'm gonna upgrade your light function so your whole body will light up now!
...What.
But wait, there's more! You'll also be able to change the color of your light at will! Now you won't need a laser pen when you go to Sayaka's Christmas concert tomorrow!
Th-That function sounds a little, uh...
Sounds a little what!? Are you sayin' you don't like it!?
Well...I always look forward to receiving new functions from you. I think...that you bring out a side of me that I cannot calculate on my own.
Huh? You...get that excited about them?
But...this upgrade sounds derivative and unoriginal. It's a bit of a letdown, honestly...
Those ideas are beneath you. I know you can come up with something better. So...please excuse me for today.
Oh...w-wait...
I understand what you're getting at, but even so...you still need maintenance, right? Since you've come all this way...I'll make sure you leave feeling good. Lay down.
W-Well...if it's just maintenance...
...You performed VERY thorough maintenance on Keebo!
Time to whip up a "hole-y" invention!
Teruteru! I got somethin' for ya that'll make ya sizzle like bacon outta sheer gratitude!
Why hello there, Santa's horny little helper! Y'know, I was just thinkin' about you... Did you bring me a tantalizingly titillating invention, hmmm?
Now you're gettin' it, porkchop! I've created all kinds of stuff that a lonely boy might need on a hole-y night!
I'll just ignore that "lonely boy" remarks... Anyway, I'll gladly take those inventions.
Hmhmhm... Oh Miu, only you could create such a vulgar variety of pervy products!
Hah-hahaha! I guess even a pig like you can sniff out how amazingly talented I am!
Well, as your peer in perversion, I believe I have a good understanding of your talent! Come get me when you invent another great product! I'll be cheering for you...
Hah! As if I need squeals of encouragement from a little suckling piggie like you! But if you oink real nice...maybe I'll let you be my personal pet pig from now on.
No...I don't need to see your inventions that badly.
Wh-What!?
...You gave Teruteru your inventions and got a Christmas dinner in exchange!
Appearances in Seasonal Events for Other Characters[]
Today is the school festival...and your exhibit is a gambling hall for beginners! However, many seem too scared of losing to attend... Why not ask students as they walk by?
Would you like to gamble...no, nevermind
Huh? Am I hearin' things, or was I about to get an invite from the spackled zombie herself?!
...
Oh? Did you hear something?
You ignorin' me, ya cheeky little bitch!? Cuz whatever this is, I ain't playin' along!
Is this a bad spot? Not many people go by.
W-Wait, are you sayin' no one can see my dazzling beauty!?
I feel as though...I heard the fluttering of an insect. Would you prefer that insect exterminated? For a little peace of mind?
Wh-Why are you ignoring me...? Can you seriously not see or hear me...?
...Oh! Since I'm such a genius...I must have finally manifested an invisibility talent!
Today is the sports festival... Your card for the scavenger hunt is... Someone with a cool accessory! To whom will you offer a pact?
The enchantress who seals her evil eyes
I am reluctant to call on such a vile power... Yet this dark path befits an overlord...
Huh? Shouldn't you be home alone jerkin' off!? What the fuck are you even tryin' to say!? If this is your weird way of asking me for a favor, then get on your knees and beg for it!
Krgh...such waves of tainted aether are anathema to the Four Dark Devas of Destruction...
Huh? What the fuck are those furballs? Emergency rations!? Hah-hahahaha!
You...must truly wish to be turned to ash. My malevolent demon arm shall grant your wish!
You spent too much time dealing with Miu, and the scavenger hunt ended...
Today is the summer sports festival! Whether it's headbanging or tree climbing, bring it on! But most important of all...cheering! Where will you perform your fight song?
A place with a punk vibe!
Oh ho! I discovered the source of the punk vibe! Hey, Miu!
Gahhhh! What's with the fuckin' shouting!? If my pussy had ears, it'd be deaf right now!
With chords like those, I bet you're a real screamer in the sack! Hah-hahaha!
You say a lot of stuff that should be bleeped out... Like Teruteru, minus the subtlety.
So what the fuck are you doin' here? Did you come to waste more of my time?
Hmm...honestly...I dunno what I'm here for either. I don't even need to sing. Your whole presence is its own performance...
Huh!? So you *did* come to waste my time! That's it, get on your fuckin' knees!
You got out of having to give an apology, but the vibe was shot...
Your last winter at the academy... The Monokubs have suggested that you all clean the school. Where will you clean first?
I'll have my body cleaned first
All done. I bet your body feels much better now that I've given it a good cleaning, huh?
Yes, thank you. I feel quite refreshed now. You are definitely my go-to person for maintenance. Thank you for taking such good care of me...these past three years.
Hah-hahaha! Damn right! It's about time you showed me some appreciation!
I do appreciate you. That's why I'm sad I won't be able to ask you for your services anymore.
Huh? Why the hell not? You sayin' there's someone out there better than me!?
N-No, that's not it... It's just...we're all graduating soon.
Fuck graduation! Are you sayin' you don't want me to service you anymore!?
I mean...I would love it if someone as skilled as you could perform maintenance on me.
Then why don't you move in with me!?
...Really?
I mean, I'll help you, but I'm not gonna bust my ass comin' to you to do it, y'know?
Yes, of course. I am the one who requires your services, after all.
Good! If I'm gettin' my hands dirty, then you gotta make damn sure you know your place!
Then...is it alright of me to ask you to continue servicing me?
You think I'd reject you? I'm the one who likes to be toyed with and rejected, after all!
Miu... Thank you so much. I look forward to your care and service in the years to come.
Y-Yeah, thanks...I'm lookin' forward to it, too.
...Looks like you have a bright future full of top-notch maintenance waiting for you!
Your last winter at the academy... You spent time at a Christmas party with your friends. You're done cleaning up the party and it's time to go home... What do you do?
Maybe I'll stay here a little longer
Ah, crap...
Eh!? What's with the uglier-than-usual face? Is my body givin' you blueballs or somethin'?
Geez... Now all my good vibes from the party are totally ruined...
Hah-haha! How sad for you! On this holiest of nights, you have no hole to call your own! I know what'll cheer you up, virgin! I'll let you fantasize about me wearin' my Santa miniskirt!
Actually...it's almost sort of a relief to see you acting the way you always do. It makes me forget that graduation's coming up or that this is our last Christmas here...
What's the matter, grease-monkey? Sad you won't get to oggle my titties anymore? Make sure you get one last look at 'em and burn it into that peabrain of yours!
Who you callin' peabreain!? You really do have too high an opinion of yourself!
You felt better after talking to Miu, who was the same as always...
Your last winter at the academy... You should've been cleaning on the day of the ceremony, but...
...Achoo!
Unfortunately, you turned into Genocide Jack before you knew it. The cleaning doesn't seem to be done yet... What will you do?
Maybe I'll take a break in the dining hall
Why, if it ain't the mopey masochist mophead! Shouldn't you be using your body to clean!?
"Mopey masochist mophead"? Y-You're the one who polishes the floor with her groveling!
Huh? There are far better things a genius like me could be doing besides cleaning! Like, I could use this time to invent something that'll let me clean the floor in my sleep!
*sigh* It makes me infinitely happy that I will never have to see your face after graduation.
W-What...? But normally you'd never have the chance to be this close to a genius.
Oh, since you're so mirror-breakingly hideous... you can't stand being near a beauty like me!
The only working part of your brain is the part that invents useless shit!
Eureka! You only act like a stuck-up bitch cuz you can't admit how lonely you really are!
Wh-Where did *that* come from!?
A day without me is like a day without sunlight so I understand why you'd feel so lonely.
I guess I can let you bow before my genius. Every beauty needs a beast, after all!
You're the one who's lonely! B-Because no one can put up with your filthy mouth!
Y-Yeah right... Nothing relieves me more than distancing myself from plebs like you. I'm a genius, after all... Most people don't have what it takes to get on my level.
No wonder you don't have friends...
Grgh!
You spent some time being verbally abused by a dispirited Miu.
